As some of you know, yesterday was my “special day.” I have to wonder, why do we keep calling it that, long after birthdays stop feeling special? When you’re young, there are milestones to eagerly anticipate — being old enough to drive, old enough to vote, old enough to be considered an adult. I guess the next milestone at this point will be retirement, but I’m not ready to start looking forward to that just yet!
I’ve noticed, since entering this decade of my life, that I keep losing track of which year it is. I think I was 42 in my mind for about three years in a row, until I finally realized I was actually 45. That didn’t feel too special!
For some reason, over the course of the last few months, I had it in the back of my mind that I was turning 48 this year. Perhaps because my husband is turning 50 later this year, and I know that we are two digits apart for part of the year and three digits apart for the rest of it. Like I said, “back of my mind” — I hadn’t really given it much thought.
I woke up yesterday, forgetting what day it was, until my husband wished me a happy birthday as I stumbled into our dimly lit sunroom at 6am. There I sat, sipping my coffee and checking email. And, again in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, “I cannot believe I’m 48! These decades are skipping by much too quickly!”
As the caffeine kicked in, I started second-guessing myself. Am I really 48 today? The math felt challenging at that time of the morning, but I finally figured out I was actually turning 47, not 48. I had to laugh at myself.
What an unusual birthday, turning back the clock, feeling a whole year younger instead of older. It changed the whole trajectory of my day. It was the best birthday present my mixed-up, middle-aged mind could have given me.
Nothing had actually changed. Obviously, I didn’t really move backward on the timeline of my life. But it sure felt like I had. It was as if I had been given a whole extra year. What had changed was my outlook, my understanding, my perspective. But a shift like that can be powerful.
We all know the difference between a glass half-full and a glass half-empty. And speaking of life timelines and added years, did you know that “optimists do live longer and enjoy greater success than pessimists”?1 Pessimists exhibit what could be called “learned helplessness.” Some people, even from a very early age, develop a sort of no-can-do attitude toward everything in life. But if helplessness can be learned, so can optimism. I’d rather learn the habit of reaching for optimism and hope than pessimism and helplessness.
Next time something irritating happens, next time my plans are up-ended, next time a special day takes a nose dive, I’d rather see it as a divine course-correction and look for the bright side, the blessing in disguise, the lesson to be learned. And with an upcoming move looming large on the horizon for our family, I have a feeling I’ll have lots of opportunities to put this idea of learned optimism into practice. No doubt I’ll be tempted to wonder how I can afford to be optimistic when I’m not even sure how we can afford a home in this new city; but I know that no matter what happens, no matter all the ups and downs and frustrations and changes and challenges, God is always, always, always at work. That’s the ultimate mindset shift — learning to trust in His sovereignty and rest in His love.
1Egan, G., & Reese, R. J. (2019). The skilled helper: A problem-management and opportunity-development approach to healing (11th ed.). Cengage.