Day 1 of 188

No, I will not be updating this diary daily! But today marks the beginning of this journey…the day we’ve been dreading for so long. We woke to grey skies and drizzle that matched our mood and donned rain gear to take my husband to his ship. His pre-deployment leave ended at 10:15am. That’s when we gave our final hugs and kisses and watched him walk down the jetty to board. He had only his backpack and his new CPAP machine to carry, having taken multiple loads to his cabin earlier in the week.

I’m not sure how you would ever get everything done in time if they didn’t give you five days off prior to departure! We tried to be organized and chip away at the to-do list over the past few weeks, but some things just have to be left to the last minute.

It has been an exhausting week. And it’s not just the errand-running and rushing. It’s the constant whirring in the background of my brain as it tries to process everything. Imagine a runaway app draining your phone’s battery. That’s what it’s felt like mentally the last few days. Yesterday I fell asleep twice. All I had to do was sit down, and I was out.

I’m usually quite adroit at turning my thoughts to the good when faced with something I really don’t want to do. To be honest, I’m so stubborn that if I want to make any headway at all with a dreaded task, I have got to trick myself into wanting to do it! But this situation has outwitted me. I’ve been trying really hard, but so far all I can come up with is:

  1. deeper sleep (sleeping alone)
  2. chicken pot pies (which the kids and I enjoy immensely when Daddy is away, since he’s not a fan)

I have my doubts, however, that a queen bed to myself or comfort food is gonna do much in this situation.

I came home from the dockyard today and stood in the kitchen, feeling lost in my own house. The kids had dispersed promptly to their rooms (as usual), and I literally did not know what to do with myself. It didn’t help that it’s Saturday. So I dug out the vacuum and proceeded to vacuum upstairs and downstairs. Then I cleaned the two upstairs bathrooms and dusted our bedroom before running out of steam. If cleaning continues to be a helpful distraction, my house might be the cleanest it’s ever been! Maybe that should be number three on my list above?

Discover more from Erin

Subscribe to keep reading and get access to the full archive.


  1. Gertrude DeBoer

    Oh Erin, I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. Solke often travelled during his working years but three weeks was often the longest. But 188 days! I pray that you will find an inner strength that you never knew you had before. I know that God is your Lord, your fortress and strong tower. I pray that you will drink deeply from His well of strength and that you will know His love and care over you, over John and over your children. (((Hugs)))

Leave a Reply

Back to Top