Day 12 of 188

I didn’t feel like walking in the rain last night after supper. But I’m trying to make wise choices to establish healthy rhythms while John is away. So I put on my rain gear and headed outside. When I saw this door to nowhere, sitting at the curb a few houses down, I wished I could walk through it and come out the “other side of the pond,” on the deck of a particular naval ship, where I knew my husband was already asleep in his bunk. 

The sadness had been creeping up on me all day. Perhaps it’s just the overcast weather we’ve been having lately, but yesterday was the first day (since the very first day) that I felt a palpable loneliness. 

My first impulse was just to shake it off, stuff it away, ignore it. But as the day came to a close, and I crawled into bed with my heart still hurting, I realized I needed to practice what I preach.

So I allowed myself to feel it. I came to God in prayer, not expecting a quick fix, but just so He could keep company with me in the sadness. And He did! The comfort of His presence tenderly surrounded and cushioned my loneliness.

This is how I’ll get through this. Not with busyness and distraction, not by walling off my emotions and pretending they don’t exist. When I wish I could lay my head on John’s shoulder and feel his arms wrap around me at the end of the day, Jesus will be the One I run to. His strong arms can hold me too…and everything I’m feeling. 

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